The Healing Process

We all experience challenges in life.  It may be disappointment, loss of a loved one, heartbreak, heartache (I look at these two things differently), or frustration.  Whatever the trial may be it must be faced.  The healing process is different for everyone and how we choose to deal with it is different.  Some like to seek out others to re-energize, some prefer to go to a quiet place and be alone.  Both have their place during the process of mending our wounds.

For everyone though, there comes a point when it’s time to lengthen our stride.  Take a risk and step forward; be it a small step, any step is a good step.  Recently, I have engaged in a number of conversations regarding challenges and traumatic experiences with friends and acquaintances.  I have had some thoughts that have come from these various conversations.

Light Bulb – 

Several years ago, I had an experience that made me question many things in my life that seemed infallible and my heart and body ached daily.  My mind was constantly a muck with doubt about my life, about the woman I was, and whether I would ever become the woman I wanted to be.

Someone asked me to describe the way I felt and all I could think about were light bulbs.  Have you ever noticed what a light bulb looks like after it “burns out?”  We don’t reuse light bulbs.  After removing them they go into the trash receptacle and they are forgotten.  Imagine for a moment you wanted to try and repair that bulb.  For the sake of argument, let’s say you take the bulb apart, replace the innards and it has all its working parts again.  You put the bulb in its rightful place and it’s shining brightly again.  You’re all good right?  Not so fast.  There’s still the blemish on the bulb.  No matter how brightly it shines, there is still a blemish.  That is how I felt.  No matter how “fixed” I tried to be, or how brightly I let me light shine; there was still this blemish for all to see.  

Maybe the blemish is the loss of a loved one, or perhaps it was heartbreak.  Maybe, it’s as simple as someone making a remark about something you were wearing, and from that day forward you were constantly self-conscious about it.  Whatever wounded you is now that blemish.  There was a time when I believed that the blemish I had was going to be there forever.   It doesn’t have to be, and truth be told, we’re the only ones who see and are aware of it when we look in the mirror.  

For me, I found comfort through the power of prayer and meditation.   My faith in God and the sacrifice and atonement of Jesus Christ, and how personal that act was for me, helped inspire me to press forward and lengthen my stride.  We come from all walks of life and I leave it to you to seek your inspiration, but regardless, the universal principles will always apply.

It’s a choice we all have to make and it’s up to us as individuals to know when that moment is right.  Sometimes, we do get a gentle (maybe not always so gentle) nudge from someone we encounter or a loved one, to let us know it’s time to take that all so fearful, often small first step.  

“Don’t let fear hold you back, when you should go forward.”

Give a little, Receive a little – 

No matter what type of relationship we have, would like to have, or are seeking, I have learned some valuable lessons in my life thus far.  You have to give of yourself, and be willing to allow another person to do the same.  Otherwise, you never really get to know each other.  

Some years ago, our women’s group at church started a “Getting to know you” basket.  Each week, a person would bring a basket filled with things about them and share with the group what was in it and how it represented who they were as a person.  They would then pull a name out of a box and that person would then receive the goodies in the basket, and the following week, they would bring a basket with their own goodies to share.

The dreaded day came when my name was pulled from the box and I was petrified.  I am a pretty easy going gal, and my hobbies and interests are many.  Many of my interests are widely known and I felt that going with the easy way out would cheat the group and me out of a potentially rewarding experience.  There I was, sitting at home with this empty basket for a week and unsure on how to proceed.  I finally had that “a-ha!” moment, and I was filled with dread, but knew what needed to be done.  I finally began filling the basket with items that represented me.  Not the things everyone already knew about me, but the things that I kept to myself because I was self-conscious and thought it was “too geeky” or “too embarrassing to admit to.” I realized that in order to truly let someone into my life, I have to be a little vulnerable and put myself out there.  They have to have the opportunity to accept or reject the many facets of me.  As I presented my basket, hands shaking, knees ready to buckle, voice quivering, I knew that I was doing what I was supposed to, and my knees and hands steadied just a bit, and the words came to me more readily as I explained the items in my basket.  I left that meeting with a promise of making a few new friends, and to this day I still remember, my now very dear friend Rachel, was the recipient of that basket.

 “You can’t love people in slices; you take them for the good and the bad together.”

Sometimes, opening ourselves up to someone, as scary as it may be, is exactly what step we need to take.  Learning to trust people after heartbreak inhibits us in more ways than we may realize, but that may be a thought for another day.

I’d like to close with these last thoughts…

Opening open up your heart to something/someone new is scary, but if it works out and you gain a new friend and/or a lover, it’s always worth it.  Whether the experience lasts a month, or a lifetime, you are growing as a person.  With each success, your confidence will continue to increase and build line upon line.  I heard a song over the radio today and these are the lines I remember, because they resonated in me.  They may be out of context of the song itself, but I have taken liberties here:

I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Though I don't believe in going into any relationship with the mentality that I will "fix" a person, but I interpret that as being a supportive force in that journey.  The "reason" need only be a nudge, or small motivation.

The Stay Sexy Attitude isn't something every one acquires over night.  Smile that smile.  Share with others that which makes you great, and take a moment to appreciate a little something about someone you encounter today.  We are never so broken that we cannot be fixed, even though me may think that we are.  There WILL be someone willing to be a part of that journey with you, whether it be for time or a season.

Sexy starts first in the head, then with the heart.

Happy Stay Sexy Thursday