'Crooked Smile' J. Cole

As silly as it may be, I've really been caught up with a song on the radio by J. Cole called 'Crooked Smile.'  It took a few listens to really pay attention to the lyrics before I decided I liked this particular rap song, as it didn't initially appeal to my senses, but it eventually made it's way into the forefront of my mind.

The last few weeks have been hectic, as Finals week is nearly here and papers are due, presentations are happening for this class or the other.  The holiday season is upon us all at the same time and you're either excited to go 'home' as so many of my fellow classmates are, or you're feeling homesick and/or lonely.  Whichever category(ies) you may fall under life is moving right beneath us and our metaphorical plates are full.

I know for me, I have struggled with keeping a positive self-image and getting caught up in what other people are thinking of me, rather than how I see myself and the amazing person I see in the mirror everyday.  As I listened to the song 'Crooked Smile' on repeat, a few lines really stood out to me as I drove along.  It certainly has its merit.

We ain't picture perfect but we worth the picture still

Love yourself, girl, or nobody will

But it's clear that you can't face what's wrong; no need to fix

What God already put his paint brush on

all you see is what you lacking, not what you packing

 I've had a tough few weeks, but grateful to have friends to help remind you that you're awesome, despite your imperfections and that you are worthwhile.

In a Fishbowl

Have you ever considered the life of a pet gold fish?  Not I, at least not until recently.  But I fear I may be awful lonely in answering 'nay' to that question.  A gold fish swims around in their fishbowl and can be seen by every passing person.  They are trapped by their circumstances of being a pet, in a bowl, and on display for all to see.  They get their needs met as their owners feed them, and clean their water out regularly, at least one would hope, but to what end?

As men and women, we often find ourselves confined to a proverbial fishbowl like the pet gold fish; swimming in circles, not experiencing or testing new waters.  This sort of public self-consciousness invites fear, doubt, and anxiety into our minds, which in turn prevents us from moving forward on a new hobby, sport, or interest.  We have great concern for what we think people may or may not be thinking of us if we reach open and uncharted waters.  So we swim in circles.  Sometimes bumping into our own reflection in the glass, but completely unaware that it is our own image we are observing.

Unlike the pet gold fish, we have the means, the opportunity, the know-how to swim in the open seas, great lakes, rivers, and streams.  The reality, is that we confine ourselves to living in a fishbowl.  We're often afraid that doing something different, something grand, will only put us under more scrutiny, but we are most likely to be found wanting.  Are you living in a fishbowl?  Are you watching others around you experience life, while your needs are simply being met?

As I've considered this for myself, I have found that in many aspects of my life there is confidence, and self-assurance in what I do.  However, in others, I lack the will and drive to push myself outside of my comfort zone (fishbowl).  I think I'm going to start today by recommitting myself to lengthening my stride and pushing myself to grow.

Today, I will______________________________.


Happy Stay Sexy Thursday!

JJ

P.S.  In a conversation earlier today, there was a remark about how cheerful I had been a few weeks ago, despite some challenges I was experiencing.  I couldn't articulate this at the time, but when I came across this in some reading this evening, I realised this about sums it up. (J.T.)

And because of my faith—even in the seemingly worst of times—I recognize with peace and gratitude that in reality it is the best of times. - Richard C. Edgley

No Apologies, No Regrets - Kissinger

Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets.'
Henry A. Kissinger

The journey of Life allows us to become who we choose to be, and in the end, let's hope we have no regrets.  This doesn't mean we have to be infallible and always make good choices; for as the Garth Brooks song goes, "Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it's learned."  We can always learn from difficult experiences, whether the event that occurred was within our control or not.

Sometimes Difficult Truths. 

1.     Whether you know them or not, or get along with them, you are your parents' child.  You are genetically and/or emotionally linked to them. 

2.     You are perfectly designed to get the results you get.  If you are unhappy with the results you're getting, take a good look at your input factors and choose to make changes. 

3.     Your happiness, is your Choice.  Make choices that satisfy both mind and heart, for when they are in accordance with one another you will find greater happiness.

4.     The world will continue to turn, with or without you.  You're insignificant in that respect, but you are important and worth the effort.  Believe it, because it's true.

5.    People will make mistakes.  People will disappoint you.  But you will do the same.  Forgive others.  Forgive yourself.

Life happens.  We've all heard it before.  It doesn't make it easier, nor does it make it easier to accept difficult experiences and process those emotions.  It also doesn't give me comfort, generally, to hear someone tell me that I am not suffering alone.  However, I believe that there is always a life lesson to be learned from trials and triumphs.

Be confident.  Be smart.  Love, be loved, and believe in Love.  Sexy starts within the walls of your mind, it's felt in your Being, and comes oozing out of your figurative pores, so own it.

Sexy starts with me.

JJ

Energy Drink

Over the last few years, "energy drinks" have become an everyday necessity for many people.  I do not rely on such drinks to get through my days, but do find myself seeking ways to keep my physical and emotional self "energised."  Every person is different in what their needs may be, or how they nurture their minds and bodies daily.  These are just a few things I do to try and keep my mind and body at peak performance on a daily basis.

Meditate. 

For me personally, prayer and contemplation are effective ways start to my day.  Meditation comes in many forms; yoga, quiet moments, and breathing exercises are also part of my Meditation Arsenal.  We are all busy.  I’m absolutely not exempt from getting caught up in the Rat Race that we seem to always be caught up in, however, taking those small and essential moments each day are absolutely crucial to my overall well-being.

Exercise. 

Nearly every morning, I wake up early and go to the gym for a strength training workout.  In fact, sometimes, meditation can be coupled with exercise, especially if we’re busy.  Even if I go to bed late and feel like I am dragging to get myself there, it’s always worth the effort.  My mind is sharper, my blood is pumping through my body and I’m ready to face the day!

Diversion.

No matter how busy we are, or how busy we think we are, we all have the desire and a need to engage in some sort of diversion.  Often, I am engaged in some sort of athletic or musical activity to serve as an outlet.  I have many pastimes, but it’s not about having many to choose from, but knowing what activity allows me the appropriate outlet in various situations.   Some days, I just want to go home, prepare a cup of hot chocolate, and grab a reading light, get in a comfy bed, and a good book.  There are other days I can hardly wait to hit the ice so I can skate out my frustrations, or excitable energy.  It took me awhile, but now I know what I need on any given day.  Have a hobby.  If you’re having a tough time wondering what activity may be right, ask a friend.  J  Having diversions is what keeps me balanced and feeling emotionally satisfied.

Expectation.

Several years ago, as I was crying on someone’s shoulder about a recent disappointment he asked me the following question:  “Why not expect to be disappointed, rather than get disappointed after someone you know has let you down repeatedly in the past, continues to disappoint?”  I immediately answered his question with this:  I would rather hope and expect the best in people and be disappointed for a few moments, then live daily always expecting the worst out of the people that surround me.  

Why would this be an important goal for me?  Is it easy?  What kind of life could I enjoy if I was constantly expecting the worst of those I come into contact with?  Would I be able to be open to trusting and loving the many beautiful people I engage with daily?  What would that look like when I looked at myself in the mirror each morning?  Would that image make me happy?  Would those around me feel happy in my company?  These questions and many others went through my mind in a matter of seconds, and I can tell you that I am certain that I would not like myself very much if I was constantly expecting people to always let me down.

Today, I made a goal to look for good in all places.  I’ve been so focused on issues that have been troubling me and forgetting to look and appreciate all that is good.  In the effort, I felt the best emotionally than I have in weeks.  Seek out the good, and the cup of good, will overfloweth.  

Sexy starts with me.

JJ

Feeling Romantic

The seasons are changing, and Mother Nature keeps us on our toes as we head into another winter season.  Winter is my favourite time of year, especially here in Alaska when the snow comes, and blankets the mountains with "frozen sunshine."  Our gorgeous state will be one big outdoor playground, provided by Mother Nature herself.  Winter time is a time for hot chocolate, cuddling with a blanket by a fire with your favourite book, bonfires at the lake and ice skating, and walking downtown on a cool and clear winter night watching the Northern Lights dance across the sky.  Lifts my spirits to feel the crisp air on my cheeks!

As I went through my day today, wishing friends, family, strangers a "Happy Thursday," I had a moment of catharsis.  For the past few weeks I have had several opportunities, nay, helpful reminders, that I need to keep my head up.  They have been challenges, big and small, that have bombarded my days, interrupted my sleep at nights, and I have worked hard to keep my outlook positive.  I've laughed.  I've cried.  I've been angry.  I've been hurt.  I've felt isolated.  I've felt as if there was no end in sight.  Today, I remembered that I used to tell friends that would come to me in times of trouble:

"There is always light at the end of the tunnel, even when we can't see it.  So keep your head up, and moving forward.  You'll see that light, and it's going to be worth the effort." 

Replaying those words in my head really made an impact on my day.  I stood a little straighter, my head held a bit higher, and I smiled a little brighter.  We are all at different stages in our lives and as I listen to one of my favourite pieces by Mozart (Piano Concerto No. 23 in A Major), I am reminded of my romantic notion of how love should be in all the many facets of our lives.  This pieces brings a contented smile to my face and makes my soul content, with its gentle reminder of the playfulness of love, the comfort it can bring when days are arduous, and the steadiness it brings when we have love.  Not just the love from the people in our lives, but the love we choose to share with those around us.

Happy Stay Sexy Thursday!  Be sexy.  Share sexy.  Live sexy.  Sexy starts first in the head, then with the heart.

JJ

Changing of the Season

I love the changing of the seasons.  Seeing the colours in the sky, the changing of the leaves on the trees, and the feel of the crisp, cool air on my cheeks as I walk with warming hands in my pockets.  There is a fragile balance sometimes between weather and the animals within this fragile existence when weather turns stormy.  So this also applies to humans in our daily lives.  We often teeter on a balance between the good and the challenging; or getting caught up in the challenging and being blinded from the good.

Today, I had the opportunity to share a little about what SST is all about and how we can apply the pillars, if you will, that is the core of why we celebrate and acknowledge such a day.    I must admit, I had a busy summer and I got out of the habit of wishing people Happy SST.  So, here I am, recommitting myself to keeping up with the goodness.

Though I try and treat others well everyday, it's always helpful to have a day in the week that reminds me to keep my head up, and to be mindful.  Sometimes life gets hectic, and seemingly complicated and I forget to see the good, and the goodness in others.

It's days like today that I get the gentle nudge to get outside of my little bubble and appreciate the world I live in and appreciate all that surrounds me;  whether it's the great pea coat being worn by someone passing by, or noticing a fabulous book bag, even perhaps, showing appreciation for a small service rendered like the opening of a door as you walk into a building.

No matter what anyone says to you, or about you, only YOU can control the way you feel and perceive your true self.  Do more than look in the mirror and smile back today.  Extend those good thoughts and actions by "paying it forward."  Pay someone a compliment, or a dashing smile.  Though small effort on your part, it may leave a long and lasting impression on someone else.

"I cannot in a moment refute great slanders; and, as I am convinced that I never wronged another, I will assuredly not wrong myself."

Socrates - The Apology

Les Miserables

Naturally, I was listening to Les Miserables for the ump-teenth time this week at work, when I heard a line in a song that made me think and smile.

To love another person is to see the face of God.

Every person is of much worth.  Take a moment today, and every day to appreciate the people in your life.  Time is short and we never know where each day will lead us so love yourself and others.  To love and be loved means you need to allow another person into your life, be vulnerable.  Let go of your inhibitions, so they too, can "see the face of God."

Stay Sexy.

Baby Steps

"We have all seen a toddler learn to walk. He takes a small step and totters. He falls. Do we scold such an attempt? Of course not. What father would punish a toddler for stumbling? We encourage, we applaud, and we praise..."  -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I've struggled this last week or so with keeping my mind right, and being positive about where I am; questioned why I am not where I thought I'd be by now, and if I am headed to where I want to be?  Some days I have even asked myself if I have any regrets?

After a few hours of inner turmoil, self-doubt, and towards the end pure frustration, I always come to the same conclusion:  my life really does rock!  It rocks because I have chosen to see and accept the good, and to face the challenges in my path to the best of my ability.  We all have our moments of doubt, but be like that little child that totters and stumbles.  Get back up, because once you learn to walk, running soon follows.

We all progress in life at our own pace.  Do not be discouraged.  Be encouraged.  Do not compare your pace to that of another.  Set your own pace.  Beat out your own rhythm on your drum.

Sexy starts with me.

Happy Stay Sexy Thursday.

Excited about the Details

I get excited about the little things.  Maybe it’s silly, but it’s just part of being me.   For the most part, I don’t make a whole lot of excuses for being the person that I am, but today, I’d like to give you my “excuse” for why the details make happy.

There was a time in my life where I sought to be indifferent.  I thought it was easier to be numb to the pain, and to simply cope with life from day to day.  To be honest, I was tired.  Tired of being angry.  Tired of feeling hurt.  Tired of feeling insignificant within my spheres of influence.  I worked so hard to be numb to the pain that I started to slowly push aside all emotions, including happiness and joy.  I was eighteen and nearing my nineteenth birthday with some choices to make.  

Some of you may know this, some of you may not, but I took Hebrew in college and attended a synagogue for quite some time.  I learned a Hebrew proverb (you may have heard it before, it is also at the end of the movie Schindler’s List) that had a profound influence on me.  

“ whoever saves one life, it is as if he saved an entire universe.”

I also came to the realization that the world will continue to turn, with or without me, but, as President Kennedy once said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” Sure, the world will continue without me, but the world is one world, made up of many individuals.  Without the one (you, me, him, her), you can’t have them, or the many.  Without the many, you won’t have the world.  Why was this important?  I was one among many.  A seemingly insignificant detail in the fabric of the world, and yet, I was still a part of something bigger than myself.  It was time to be excited.  Instead of simply coping with the conundrums of day to day life, it was time to LIVE life and to add to the DETAILS of the fabric!

Yesterday, I was at work pounding away at my keyboard (I am a data entry queen) and instead of music, I decided to listen to some talks given over the weekend from leaders of my church.  I was so inspired and uplifted by wise counsel and encouraged by their messages of hope and faith.  Something in particular sparked the remembrance of my eighteen going on nineteen year old self and I knew it was worth sharing.

In the great Composer’s symphony, you have your own particular part to play—your own notes to sing. Fail to perform them, and with certainty the symphony will go on. But if you rise up and join the chorus and allow the power of God to work through you, you will see “the windows of heaven” open, and He will “pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.” Rise up to your true potential as a son [and daughter] of God, and you can be a force for good in your family, your home, your community, your nation, and indeed in the world.

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

…

I spent years dismissing all that was good and all that was challenging that I missed out on so much.  Choosing to be numb.  It took a lot of work, but I learned to let myself feel again.  Feel the pain and the joy.  Now, I get excited when the lights are right on my way to work.  I get excited when the Biebs comes on my car radio and I can belt out the words (unashamedly) and do my car-jig. I get excited as I watch little kids "discover" the world around them, and see how excited they get in the details that you and I take for granted and don't even see anymore.  

This week's challenge:  Aim to see the world with spiritual eyes, not just your physical eyes.  How much more refined and beautiful the world will be when we ourselves discover and re-discover the little things?  A great musical performance is created when the musicians are all working independently to play their part with all the dynamics required of them.  As a result, the orchestra as a whole is rich and full of sound.  If you don't know where you fit into the great Symphony of Life, start with "Do-re-mi," and you can't go wrong.

 

Play your part.  Sing your notes.  Dance your dance.  Be excited about the little things. 

 Happy Stay Sexy Thursday!  Sexy starts, now.

The Healing Process

We all experience challenges in life.  It may be disappointment, loss of a loved one, heartbreak, heartache (I look at these two things differently), or frustration.  Whatever the trial may be it must be faced.  The healing process is different for everyone and how we choose to deal with it is different.  Some like to seek out others to re-energize, some prefer to go to a quiet place and be alone.  Both have their place during the process of mending our wounds.

For everyone though, there comes a point when it’s time to lengthen our stride.  Take a risk and step forward; be it a small step, any step is a good step.  Recently, I have engaged in a number of conversations regarding challenges and traumatic experiences with friends and acquaintances.  I have had some thoughts that have come from these various conversations.

Light Bulb – 

Several years ago, I had an experience that made me question many things in my life that seemed infallible and my heart and body ached daily.  My mind was constantly a muck with doubt about my life, about the woman I was, and whether I would ever become the woman I wanted to be.

Someone asked me to describe the way I felt and all I could think about were light bulbs.  Have you ever noticed what a light bulb looks like after it “burns out?”  We don’t reuse light bulbs.  After removing them they go into the trash receptacle and they are forgotten.  Imagine for a moment you wanted to try and repair that bulb.  For the sake of argument, let’s say you take the bulb apart, replace the innards and it has all its working parts again.  You put the bulb in its rightful place and it’s shining brightly again.  You’re all good right?  Not so fast.  There’s still the blemish on the bulb.  No matter how brightly it shines, there is still a blemish.  That is how I felt.  No matter how “fixed” I tried to be, or how brightly I let me light shine; there was still this blemish for all to see.  

Maybe the blemish is the loss of a loved one, or perhaps it was heartbreak.  Maybe, it’s as simple as someone making a remark about something you were wearing, and from that day forward you were constantly self-conscious about it.  Whatever wounded you is now that blemish.  There was a time when I believed that the blemish I had was going to be there forever.   It doesn’t have to be, and truth be told, we’re the only ones who see and are aware of it when we look in the mirror.  

For me, I found comfort through the power of prayer and meditation.   My faith in God and the sacrifice and atonement of Jesus Christ, and how personal that act was for me, helped inspire me to press forward and lengthen my stride.  We come from all walks of life and I leave it to you to seek your inspiration, but regardless, the universal principles will always apply.

It’s a choice we all have to make and it’s up to us as individuals to know when that moment is right.  Sometimes, we do get a gentle (maybe not always so gentle) nudge from someone we encounter or a loved one, to let us know it’s time to take that all so fearful, often small first step.  

“Don’t let fear hold you back, when you should go forward.”

Give a little, Receive a little – 

No matter what type of relationship we have, would like to have, or are seeking, I have learned some valuable lessons in my life thus far.  You have to give of yourself, and be willing to allow another person to do the same.  Otherwise, you never really get to know each other.  

Some years ago, our women’s group at church started a “Getting to know you” basket.  Each week, a person would bring a basket filled with things about them and share with the group what was in it and how it represented who they were as a person.  They would then pull a name out of a box and that person would then receive the goodies in the basket, and the following week, they would bring a basket with their own goodies to share.

The dreaded day came when my name was pulled from the box and I was petrified.  I am a pretty easy going gal, and my hobbies and interests are many.  Many of my interests are widely known and I felt that going with the easy way out would cheat the group and me out of a potentially rewarding experience.  There I was, sitting at home with this empty basket for a week and unsure on how to proceed.  I finally had that “a-ha!” moment, and I was filled with dread, but knew what needed to be done.  I finally began filling the basket with items that represented me.  Not the things everyone already knew about me, but the things that I kept to myself because I was self-conscious and thought it was “too geeky” or “too embarrassing to admit to.” I realized that in order to truly let someone into my life, I have to be a little vulnerable and put myself out there.  They have to have the opportunity to accept or reject the many facets of me.  As I presented my basket, hands shaking, knees ready to buckle, voice quivering, I knew that I was doing what I was supposed to, and my knees and hands steadied just a bit, and the words came to me more readily as I explained the items in my basket.  I left that meeting with a promise of making a few new friends, and to this day I still remember, my now very dear friend Rachel, was the recipient of that basket.

 “You can’t love people in slices; you take them for the good and the bad together.”

Sometimes, opening ourselves up to someone, as scary as it may be, is exactly what step we need to take.  Learning to trust people after heartbreak inhibits us in more ways than we may realize, but that may be a thought for another day.

I’d like to close with these last thoughts…

Opening open up your heart to something/someone new is scary, but if it works out and you gain a new friend and/or a lover, it’s always worth it.  Whether the experience lasts a month, or a lifetime, you are growing as a person.  With each success, your confidence will continue to increase and build line upon line.  I heard a song over the radio today and these are the lines I remember, because they resonated in me.  They may be out of context of the song itself, but I have taken liberties here:

I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Though I don't believe in going into any relationship with the mentality that I will "fix" a person, but I interpret that as being a supportive force in that journey.  The "reason" need only be a nudge, or small motivation.

The Stay Sexy Attitude isn't something every one acquires over night.  Smile that smile.  Share with others that which makes you great, and take a moment to appreciate a little something about someone you encounter today.  We are never so broken that we cannot be fixed, even though me may think that we are.  There WILL be someone willing to be a part of that journey with you, whether it be for time or a season.

Sexy starts first in the head, then with the heart.

Happy Stay Sexy Thursday